


Lucina Learns How to Use a Phone

by FrogbiansVEVO



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 13:06:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18389021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrogbiansVEVO/pseuds/FrogbiansVEVO
Summary: That's literally all that happens





	Lucina Learns How to Use a Phone

**Author's Note:**

> back at it again

“Lucina, I got your letter,” Palutena said. She was using that ‘I need to actually talk to you seriously about something’ tone.

“Letter?” Lucina asked, innocently looking up at her from her book. Ah yes, she remembered. The one she sent a few days ago about…

“Dear Palutena, I forgot to mention, but please pick up milk at the store. Love, Lucina” Palutena matter-of-factly read the words off the piece of folded parchment. For a few seconds, she looked at Lucina expectantly, who only stared confusedly back. 

“Well, you went out to get the groceries,” Lucina started.

“Mm-hmm,” Palutena crossed her arms.

“And I forgot to put milk on the list…”

“Uh huh…”

“So I thought I’d send you a letter to remind you to pick some up,” Lucina said plainly, as if that was a normal, logical thing to do. Palutena let out a long, exaggerated sigh, but she couldn’t help but feel a bit of a smile creep up on her. Lucina seemed to get the hint that, in retrospect, it may have been a silly idea. “Was there… A better way to reach you?” she asked earnestly. Palutena planted her hand on Lucina’s shoulder.

“Lucina, I think it’s time we got you a phone,” she said solemnly. A spike of panic crawled up Lucina’s spine. A phone? She felt like she only just learned how to use the washing machine, after Palutena’s continued insistence that filling a wooden tub with water from the river and washing their clothes with lye was ‘not practical’, ‘takes too much time’ and ‘is kind of gross’. Palutena thoughtfully put her finger to her cheek and continued. “I doubt you’d need a fancy one, for now. Just something that gets the job done…” Her eyes drifted around aimlessly in thought, before lighting up with a spark. “Goddess phone!” she exclaimed.

“Goddess… Phone?” Lucina asked, sounding more than just a little bit confused. She was far too kindhearted to think ‘whatever ‘Goddess phone’ is, it sounds really silly’, but she was thinking something along those lines. Palutena chuckled, and materialized a gilded, rectangular… Thing out of mid air. Cute little wings were fluttering at the sides.

“My own invention! I give these to the Centurions so they can keep in touch with me while they’re out,” she explained, sounding a bit smug. “It’s got all the basic functions. It can make calls, text, it’s got a camera… And you can play Tetris! Pit likes that.” She handed the phone to Lucina, who gingerly held it in both of her hands as if it were some sort of small, delicate animal. She looked at it wide eyed, with utter fascination.

“I’ve never seen one up close…” she whispered. Her finger found it’s way to the central button, and with a push, it lit up the phone’s screen and played a friendly, familiar 8-bit tune. The home screen quickly loaded with a few colourful icons, labeled things like ‘News’, ‘Weather’, ‘Rocket Jump’, ‘Mega Laser’… All very practical, Lucina thought.

“Now, there’s a lot to unpack here, but let’s get you started with texts,” Palutena said. “Go ahead and press that button. The one that looks like a little letter”. Lucina did, indeed, tap the little letter. A list of names popped up. It was a new phone and she already had a whopping two contacts! Palutena… And Palutena’s work. “My contacts are already in there,” Palutena said, sounding proud for some reason. Lucina tapped Palutena’s name. “Now, just write me a message! Anything you want”. Lucina hesitated for a second, and turned to look at the Goddess.

“Don’t I… Need ink?” Lucina cocked her head. Palutena made a face, something between pain and adoration.

“No, no. You use your fingers on the screen,” Palutena said. 

“Oh, I see,” Lucina replied. She started drawing the letter ‘H’ on the screen, across the keyboard, rewarding her with some nice keysmash for her efforts.

“5tfv fghj8ijkm” said the message. Palutena was close to cracking up.

“Lucina, tap the letters”.

“Oh! That… Makes more sense,” Lucina said sheepishly. Third time’s the charm, she slowly but surely started navigating the keyboard, and finally managed to type a short ‘Hello’. After that important first step, Palutena briefly explained the all the other functions of the Goddess phone to Lucina, who kept a serious expression as she simply listened and nodded.

“Aaand that’s how Mega Laser works. Make sense?” Palutena asked jovially. Lucina looked at her wide eyed for a second, like a cornered deer, before forcing a smile and nodding slowly. Palutena expected no more. “It’ll come with practice,” she said reassuringly, before trailing off. “You know… I DID have a few errands I wanted to run…” she brought her hand up to her cheek. “Maybe you could practice texting me while you’re away…”

“…While I’M away?”

Suddenly, Lucina was at the grocery store. She pulled a crumpled list from her bag. ‘Mustard’ was written hastily in green ink, nothing else.

“If it’s for the one I love, I will gladly buy mustard,” Lucina said with steadfast resolve. Anybody would say she looked very dashing in that moment. Then she got a text. The chime of her text tone startled her so badly it made her jump right up to the platform above her (the grocery store was in battlefield mode). She scrambled to fish the phone out of her bag, fumbling with it until she could steady her hands. 

“hey, how are you holding up? :)” Palutena asked. Lucina smiled for a second, then slowly and meticulously started typing out a response. Then she got another text. And she jumped again, nearly dropping her phone.

“by the way, can you get milk too? or should i say “Dear Lucina, I forgot to mention…”” Lucina was a little bit dense, but even she could tell that there was fun being poked, and it was at her expense. She furrowed her brow and started typing a response, a little bit faster this time.

“Dear Palutena, I’m doing well, thank you. And yes, of course I can pick up milk. -Lucina”

On the other end, Palutena was in the middle of enjoying doing absolutely nothing. She smiled and shook her head. 

“lucina, you dont need to sign your texts!”

“Dear Palutena, How will you know that it’s me if I don’t? -Lucina”

“your name is shown at the top!”

“Dear Palutena, Oh. -Lucina”

Lucina shook her head and put away her phone. Now was the time to buy mustard. And milk. She turned around and walked right into somebody’s big, burly green chest. it was Ganondorf. In a polo shirt! How sensible! He laughed menacingly under his breath.

“Oh! Ganondorf. H-how long were you…” Lucina trailed off to an uncomfortable silence, eyes sharp, hand twitching for her sword. A sword which she did not have. Because it didn’t fit in her bag.

“Pathetic. I had some respect for you, having the guts to confess your feelings to a Goddess. And now you’re calling yourself her lover? Sending her WEAK texts like that?” Ganondorf said with a wicked smile. Lucina held her acrylic, Falchion-shaped keychain tightly, pointing it threateningly at the man.

“What do you want, Ganondorf?” Lucina asked, not faltering under his oppressive gaze. In one swift movement, he picked her up by the back of her tank top, as easily as a mother cat would pick up her kitten by their scruff. Lucina was strong, but she still couldn’t kick herself free. “Let- me- go! You’ll- stretch out- the fabric!”

“What do I want?” Ganondorf laughed, completely unfazed by the woman’s attempts to squirm out of his grasp. “I want you to treat your lover like the Goddess she is!” He threw her aside, sending her barreling into a display stack of Falcon Crunch. She shakily rose to her feet, covered in cereal, staring daggers at the man in front of her. Ganondorf slowly approached, each heavy footstep shaking the linoleum floors like an earthquake. With no hesitation, Lucina drew her keychain again, ready to strike as soon as he so much as blinked. 

Suddenly, Ganondorf held out his hand. Was he calling for a truce?

“Stupid kid. Let me show you how to truly use your words to make a woman swoon”.

“Wh-what?” Lucina had to admit she was curious, but…

“Give me your phone”.

“NO!”

Palutena laid back in her bath and sighed contentedly. Having some alone time was great, not that she would’ve minded if Lucina was in the tub with her right then. Speak of the devil, she got a text! Then another! Then a flurry of texts started coming in. Palutena stared distantly into her bath water, almost afraid to check her phone. Hesitantly, she picked it up between two fingers, like you’d pick up a used tissue.

“I love you, alive girl- 

Dear Palutena, this is- 

I want to melt on your tongue, like a soft cheese-

Ganondorf is-

I CAn play the organ-“

Palutena put her phone face down. She turned her music up louder. She sunk down deeper into the bath and let the warmth run over her body. She put lemon slices on her eyes because she thought that’s what you’re supposed to do on a spa day and immediately screamed.

Lucina bolted out of the grocery store, clutching her phone to her chest, having feed it from Ganondorf’s evil, burly grasp. Ganondorf, meanwhile, was lying unconscious in the avocados. In the end, she made it out of the store with neither milk nor mustard, but with the glory of victory. She ran out to the parking lot without looking both ways, and before she could even turn her head, got totalled by some reckless driver on a motorcycle.

“Wario!” Lucina exclaimed, sounding all too happy for somebody who just got run over, and all too happy for somebody who just saw Wario.

“Wah ha ha! What are you doing lying there?! You dented my bike!” Wario yelled, hopping down. Instead of helping Lucina up, he shifted his attention to something shiny and gold that caught his eye (not that he would’ve helped her up otherwise). “Hey, is that a new phone? And you haven’t texted your friend WARIO?”

Lucina pulled herself to her feet and dusted off the tread marks. She picked up her phone and stared at it for a second, looking a little downtrodden. If he were anyone else, Wario would probably be concerned.

“Palutena… Gave me this phone. To be honest, I’m still not sure how to use it,” Lucina sighed. Wario farted thoughtfully. “There’s so much to learn and… I don’t know, I don’t want to disappoint her. I barely know how to do the… Texting?” Wario stared back at her apathetically. “Oh, texting is when you press the… Letter and…”

“Yeah, I know what texting is,” Wario said, flicking something he dug out of his ear to the ground. He patted lucina on the back as comfortingly as he could manage. “Look, Lucina, all you need is a little help from Wario!” Lucina shot him a skeptical look. “…What, you don’t trust the great Wario with technology? Nobody knows phones better than me! I get more Chinese food delivered to me than anybody in this city!” 

“That’s true, I suppose…” Lucina said. Before she could make an actual decision, she was lifted up and plopped on the back of Wario’s bike.

“Wah ha ha! Good answer! Let’s get outta this parking lot and go to… Er… Wario’s Training Grounds!”

“Training grounds?!” Lucina sounded excited.

They ended up in a junkyard. Lucina pouted, perched on the hood of the most comfortable scrapped car she could find. Wario laughed nonetheless.

“Now Lucina, why don’t you show me that phone, eh?” Wario warioed. Lucina obliged without hesitation. She knew her trusted friend and companion, Wario, would never run off with a valuable piece of Divine Technology. Surprisingly, he didn’t, and went straight to fiddling with it. 

“Oh, you need my password to get in, right?” Lucina said, feeling a bit proud of herself for knowing what a password was in that context.

“Nah, I got it,” Wario replied dismissively. Lucina’s jaw dropped. 

“H-how did you know!?”

“It was just ‘Marth’. You need a stronger password!”

“Who’s stronger than the hero king himself?”

Wario brushed her off and continued messing around.

“What apps you got. News? Weather? Boring. Hey, what’s this?” He tapped the icon for Mega Laser. As the name implied, a large beam of pure, holy energy shot out of the phone’s front camera. 

Back at home, Palutena was lounging in bed wearing a silk robe and fuzzy Orne slippers. Her halo lit up for a second, which she knew meant one heart was just deposited into her bank account, which meant that somebody just used one of her powers (money was tight). She chuckled quietly, and turned the page of her magazine.

“She’s playing with Mega Laser, huh? I hope she’s having fun.”

As the beam engulfed her, Lucina smiled serenely. Her entire life flashed before her eyes. She even remembered the time she threw oatmeal at Chrom as a baby. That made her laugh a little. Oh, she was flying through the sky now. This, she thought, is probably an apt time to yell. She yelled. Wario watched, horrified, as the woman’s screams faded to a crushing silence as she disappeared into the distant skyline.

A second later, Lucina respawned. She and Wario stared at each other for a few seconds, completely devoid of any readable emotion.

“Hey, wanna learn how to use your camera?” Wario asked, his famous grin creeping back up on his face.

“Yes!” Lucina beamed, eager to forget about the other beaming thing. Wario opened up Lucina’s camera app and tossed the phone back at her.

“Take if from Wario, nothing makes a woman swoon like a nice photo…”

“…Of some animals? Maybe flowers, or the river in the park?”

“A PHOTO OF WARIO!”

Back at the apartment, Palutena got a text. She checked her phone. A blurry photo of Wario. No caption, no context, no nothing. 

“Alright!” Palutena said to herself. She went back to arranging the jellybean jar by colour.

Back at Wario’s Training Grounds, a few tense minutes passed.

“… No response,” Lucina sighed.

“That’s rough, chump. Hey, maybe you just need one of me at a better angle? Wah ha ha!” Wario joked. Lucina did not laugh. In fact, she didn’t look very happy at all. Wario’s expression softened by a fraction of a microscopic amount. 

“Between this and what happened with Ganondorf, it must seem like I’m not learning much of anything,” Lucina said bitterly. “As usual, I know my way with a sword and not much else”. 

Wario broke out into a cold sweat. Feelings? Nobody ever came to Wario with feelings. That meant this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. And Wario would NOT screw it up. He patted Lucina on the back. So hard that she nearly fell flat on her face. 

“Lucina, Lucina, Lucina. We’re not all… ME. People like you, er, that is to say, people who aren’t ME, just aren’t good at things. That’s why ya need to keep trying. To get good. Like me!” Wario bragged. Kindly.

“Wario…”

“Look, don’t beat yourself up for stupid things! Palutena is probably sitting around, doing nothing, and is proud of you for trying. Because she loves you!”

Lucina just looked at him, wide eyed. Less because what he said resonated with her, more because he actually made an effort to be thoughtful and kind. She smiled warmly.

“Wario, sometimes you truly are the best,” She conceded. 

“Only sometimes!?” Wario said incredulously. He quickly brushed it off. “Bah, I’m sick of talking feelings already. You know what Palutena would REALLY like?” Lucina looked at him skeptically again. “A photo… Of you!”

“O-oh, no, I don’t look good in photos…”

“I’LL TEACH YOU WARIO’S ULTIMATE SELFIE TECHNIQUE”

And so, Lucina was being coached.

“Bah, that’s too low! High angles! Yes! That’s good! Get me in the shot! Hold it steady, would ya?!”

Lucina was somehow working up a sweat from this. Wario was a serious coach. But Lucina was a serious student. She impressively bent herself into every pose Wario suggested.

“Lucina, you gotta smile! Palutena doesn’t wanna see you looking like that! You look scary!”

“It’s hard… Holding my leg behind my head like this…” Lucina said through gritted teeth. Wario sighed.

“Obviously, this is too advanced for you. Let’s just stand, eh?” Wario said. Lucina popped her joints back into place.

“Now, hold your phone out! Arm stretched! High angle! Smile! Now take it! Wait don’t take it, get me in the shot. That’s good! NOW take it!” Wario barked. Lucina obliged, smiling as brightly as she could. 

Meanwhile, Palutena was busy taking the cream filling out of the sandwich cookies and using it to make an unflattering sculpture of Pit.

“I might be… A bit bored,” she mumbled to herself. “I wonder when Lucina’s gonna get back”. Her phone chimed. She practically jumped to get it. 

“Palutena! I’ll be home soon!” Lucina’s message read. Attached was a simple, but lovely photo of Wario. Lucina was in it too. Palutena smiled, genuinely and very, very fondly. 

“can’t wait to see you! ❤️” Palutena replied.

“How did you make the heart”

Lucina was grinning widely at her phone. Wario was pacing around, proud of himself for his good work.

“Lucina, photos are like memories you can look at,” He said, attempting to be sagely. “Time goes on, and we get old (and ugly), so take photos of everything that makes you feel happy when you see it. Bids, flowers, friends…” Lucina quickly snapped another blurry shot of Wario. He blushed a little. “BAH, get outta here, Wario’s lesson is over! Next time you gotta pay!”

“Thank you Wario. Truly,” Lucina said warmly. Wario scratched behind his head, flustered. 

“You need a ride home?” He mumbled.

“Ah, no, I think I’ll walk today”.

“Good, I wouldn’t have given you one! Gas is expensive! Wah ha ha!”.

With that, Lucina ran off, waving enthusiastically behind her. Wario was almost sad to see her go. Mostly he was glad that he would finally get to go home and eat his leftover greek food.

On the way home, Lucina walked slowly, taking (not the best) photos of everything she wanted to show Palutena. The pigeons perched on the street lamps, the sun shining through the tree’s leaves, the daisies sprouting through the cracks in the sidewalk. She took a photo with Mario, nervously asked for a photo with Marth, and took a cute shot of the Duck Hunt duo doing a trick. And finally, she made it home. She unlocked the door, neatly put aside her shoes, put down her bag, and looked up to see Palutena waiting to greet her in the hallway.

“Have fun out there?” Palutena asked playfully. Lucina ran to hug her, nearly knocking Palutena over. 

“I did! There’s so much i want to show you!”

Palutena laughed softly and returned the embrace. She noticed that Lucina didn’t bring home any milk or mustard, but she decided to let it slide.

“I’m excited to see it,” She said warmly. Lucina nuzzled into the crook of her neck. 

After a few seconds, Lucina opened her eyes. Her gaze drifted over to the kitchen counter, where the cream filling Pit statue stood proudly, empty sandwich cookies cast haphazardly into a heap on the floor.

“Palutena, what is that?”

**Author's Note:**

> keep an eye out for my next fic, 'lucina teaches chrom how to use a phone'


End file.
